I stood there, all alone, trying to figure out where I was. There was peace all around, hand in hand with a stark darkness. I screamed and screamed harder trying to break the silence. My voice echoed around and I patiently waited for a reply. In return of that, I heard his laughter, his screams, his mourning and a shiver ran down my spine. Life gets the worst when you experience everything at the same time: fear, pain and grief. I tried to cry but I couldn't. Those voices all around paralyzed me.
Thursday 31 January 2013
Sunday 27 January 2013
Nights aren't too long
It wasn't the best place where he wanted to be. In stark darkness he was walking, all alone, bare footed. He didn't knew what to do. Sitting still wasn't an option, who knows some wild animal may sniff his odour and come and hunt him down? So he thought he would keep walking assuring himself that the night will soon get over.
He didn't really know how he reached there. He was the running on the highway when he took a wrong turn and he reached this alien place. The place was cold and rather frightening. It was miles away from the warmness and comfort he hitherto used to feel. He was deprived of any water and taking rest wasn't an option for him. So he walked for hours and hours and the darkness increased. He was shivering, worn down and thirsty. Darkness had reached it's level high.
In the succession of events, he broke down. He wasn't able to walk any longer and he fell down there, very pale and cold, waiting for his death to arrive. His eyes were moist and he looked up to ask God why he was so severely punished. In a remarkable turn of events, he saw the colour of the sky changing from black to blue. The dawn had finally arrived. Perhaps, it was an omen. Perhaps, it was God's way of telling "Walk some more steps man, your destination is awaiting you".
He gathered all his energy and walked ahead soon there was a divine light that lighted up his path. It was a forest and during the course of the night he had travelled through the heart of the jungle and reached a small hamlet very soon. His eyes were full of tears and his face carried a wide smile. He ran towards the hamlet with all his vigour. All his efforts, all his courage had finally paid off. He had survived the dark night and now life promised something better..
He didn't really know how he reached there. He was the running on the highway when he took a wrong turn and he reached this alien place. The place was cold and rather frightening. It was miles away from the warmness and comfort he hitherto used to feel. He was deprived of any water and taking rest wasn't an option for him. So he walked for hours and hours and the darkness increased. He was shivering, worn down and thirsty. Darkness had reached it's level high.
In the succession of events, he broke down. He wasn't able to walk any longer and he fell down there, very pale and cold, waiting for his death to arrive. His eyes were moist and he looked up to ask God why he was so severely punished. In a remarkable turn of events, he saw the colour of the sky changing from black to blue. The dawn had finally arrived. Perhaps, it was an omen. Perhaps, it was God's way of telling "Walk some more steps man, your destination is awaiting you".
He gathered all his energy and walked ahead soon there was a divine light that lighted up his path. It was a forest and during the course of the night he had travelled through the heart of the jungle and reached a small hamlet very soon. His eyes were full of tears and his face carried a wide smile. He ran towards the hamlet with all his vigour. All his efforts, all his courage had finally paid off. He had survived the dark night and now life promised something better..
Friday 25 January 2013
Thoughts...
Those voices inside me,
they continue to go on,
in hustle and bustle,
creating commotion inside me,
inside the market of emotions,
and necessarily put me into a state of trance.
They talk to me,
they remind me of love,
they remind me of my broken heart,
and how lonely I am.
And I try to smile outside,
the usual human hypocrisy drives me,
this state of not being what I am,
irritates me.
And I burn within,
they set me on fire,
but I have been burnt enough,
possibly nothing is left inside.
This hollowness resonates those voices further,
and my state of trance continues....
they continue to go on,
in hustle and bustle,
creating commotion inside me,
inside the market of emotions,
and necessarily put me into a state of trance.
They talk to me,
they remind me of love,
they remind me of my broken heart,
and how lonely I am.
And I try to smile outside,
the usual human hypocrisy drives me,
this state of not being what I am,
irritates me.
And I burn within,
they set me on fire,
but I have been burnt enough,
possibly nothing is left inside.
This hollowness resonates those voices further,
and my state of trance continues....
Friday 18 January 2013
Untitled-3
He woke up that afternoon and he looked around. He was stinking. He saw a little whiskey left in the bottle. The things he vomited had dried but the floor smelled horrible. He somehow got up, feeling weak. He didn't have any energy to see his phone but he somehow did. There were two missed calls from his office mates. Some new messages, mostly from the service providers. He somehow browsed the messages and deleted the conversation he had with her last night.
Things were always complicated between both of them. He had already been rejected twice. He cried when nobody was around, for he was supposed to be grown up. However, he managed to somehow stop the friendship from breaking up. Although he was supposed to be a 'just friend' she would always call him up when she wanted to kill time. He used to pick those calls up, even after being busy at times. However, things were not the same the other way around. If she wasn't in a mood to talk, she would barely pick his calls up and if she did so, she would show absolutely no interest in talking to him. He would be down at times but would be rejoiced once again when he would see a new message from her. He fell deeper and deeper in her love and he never realized it.
The conversation on the previous night was a bit too intense. He literally begged her to reject the guy whom her parents had sought for her. The latter one was well settled with a job in a software company in the US. He could give her the life she wanted and as expected she decided to accept the proposal. That night she was with her fiancé and she texted her that she was happy to accept the proposal. She told him that he was one of the best friends she ever made but she couldn't ever imagine him as her life partner. When he begged to reject she told him that he could never secure her future the way her fiancé could.
He couldn't take any more of it. He looked at the bottle of 750 ml. Royal Stag. He had almost half of it left. He poured whiskey in large quantities and drunk them neat. He didn't realize when he crossed the limit and he begun vomiting, blurting out "Anamika, I can't live without you". His eyes were moist and he fell on the stuff he vomited and he didn't realized when he dozed off.
"Enough is enough" he said to himself as he picked up the bottle of whiskey and the glass. He wiped the floor and changed his clothes. He was fed up of the life he was living. He went to the bathroom, took a bath and then looked at himself in the mirror. "Rahul, nice guys get screwed just because they are nice. You possibly didn't have the right moves or may be she never deserved you. It's high time you move on". He looked up at the shelf. There was a bottle of brand new whiskey he bought last week. He took out the bottle and dumped it in the dust bin. He switched off his mobile phone and switched on his TV. Luckily, he found 'Tom and Jerry' on cartoon network.
He remembered those moments of his childhood when he had a complete carefree life. Mummy ensured tears never invaded his eyes. Mummy took care of everything. The very thought of those moments brought a smile to his face. He switched on the mobile phone again and called up his mummy. After a 10 minutes talk he told "Bye, love you mom". He switched off his phone again and looked up to the wall clock. It was six. The sun was slowly approaching dusk. He took his car's keys and decided to spend the evening at the beach, watching the sunset.
On his way to the beach, he breathed fresh air once again. He felt the coolness of the air, which he hitherto failed to notice, possibly because he never had enough time to get out of his reverie of sorrow. He looked at the balloon seller at the traffic signal and he smiled. He reached the beach at six thirty. He sat down on the sand, closed his eyes and enjoyed the breeze. He felt alive, a feeling he was missing from a long time. Finally he was over with her. He was over with all those mood swing. He was over with those moist eyes. He was over with those hangovers. Finally he was over with punishing himself.
Things were always complicated between both of them. He had already been rejected twice. He cried when nobody was around, for he was supposed to be grown up. However, he managed to somehow stop the friendship from breaking up. Although he was supposed to be a 'just friend' she would always call him up when she wanted to kill time. He used to pick those calls up, even after being busy at times. However, things were not the same the other way around. If she wasn't in a mood to talk, she would barely pick his calls up and if she did so, she would show absolutely no interest in talking to him. He would be down at times but would be rejoiced once again when he would see a new message from her. He fell deeper and deeper in her love and he never realized it.
The conversation on the previous night was a bit too intense. He literally begged her to reject the guy whom her parents had sought for her. The latter one was well settled with a job in a software company in the US. He could give her the life she wanted and as expected she decided to accept the proposal. That night she was with her fiancé and she texted her that she was happy to accept the proposal. She told him that he was one of the best friends she ever made but she couldn't ever imagine him as her life partner. When he begged to reject she told him that he could never secure her future the way her fiancé could.
He couldn't take any more of it. He looked at the bottle of 750 ml. Royal Stag. He had almost half of it left. He poured whiskey in large quantities and drunk them neat. He didn't realize when he crossed the limit and he begun vomiting, blurting out "Anamika, I can't live without you". His eyes were moist and he fell on the stuff he vomited and he didn't realized when he dozed off.
"Enough is enough" he said to himself as he picked up the bottle of whiskey and the glass. He wiped the floor and changed his clothes. He was fed up of the life he was living. He went to the bathroom, took a bath and then looked at himself in the mirror. "Rahul, nice guys get screwed just because they are nice. You possibly didn't have the right moves or may be she never deserved you. It's high time you move on". He looked up at the shelf. There was a bottle of brand new whiskey he bought last week. He took out the bottle and dumped it in the dust bin. He switched off his mobile phone and switched on his TV. Luckily, he found 'Tom and Jerry' on cartoon network.
He remembered those moments of his childhood when he had a complete carefree life. Mummy ensured tears never invaded his eyes. Mummy took care of everything. The very thought of those moments brought a smile to his face. He switched on the mobile phone again and called up his mummy. After a 10 minutes talk he told "Bye, love you mom". He switched off his phone again and looked up to the wall clock. It was six. The sun was slowly approaching dusk. He took his car's keys and decided to spend the evening at the beach, watching the sunset.
On his way to the beach, he breathed fresh air once again. He felt the coolness of the air, which he hitherto failed to notice, possibly because he never had enough time to get out of his reverie of sorrow. He looked at the balloon seller at the traffic signal and he smiled. He reached the beach at six thirty. He sat down on the sand, closed his eyes and enjoyed the breeze. He felt alive, a feeling he was missing from a long time. Finally he was over with her. He was over with all those mood swing. He was over with those moist eyes. He was over with those hangovers. Finally he was over with punishing himself.
Monday 14 January 2013
Untitled-2
Without any competition, love continues to be the most complicated feeling in this world. It can screw you up really bad. However on the other side, love remains one of the best feeling too. The basic "feel good" feeling when you think about the one you love can get you "high" without Old Monk or grass (Okay, frankly speaking the latter ones are more faithful choices). Love somehow goes beyond the limits of thoughts and breaks any barrier, be it caste, creed , religion or country. The universal feeling of love may sometimes get extra personal as well. This is what happened to him.
He joined engineering after realizing that he had followed the crowd for the last two years and thus he decided to not use his wit (almost scarce anyways) and follow the crowd. Basic subjects like physics and mathematics were simple in the first two semesters. Given the level of complacency that filled up his brain, he found his hostel room's bed somehow more comfortable than the college seats, more than even that of the canteen. So he decided to bravely bunk lectures in the weekdays and catch the earliest train on Friday to reach 'home'. His luck favoured him in the examination and he thankfully found the topper sitting ahead of him. Copying was an art he had mastered a long time ago in coaching classes while taking tests. The only thing he repented is that he couldn't successfully apply the expertise in AIEEE or IIT-JEE. However, the expertise came handy later in the exam and he somehow managed to 'clear' all the eleven examinations of first year.
However, this time the things were different. In his last exam, he noticed one of his prettiest classmate. He didn't have whiskey the night before and therefore he was alert enough to notice her. He noticed everything, right from the way she tied her hair with pins, her earrings, her bangles, her bindi, her nail art to the way she smiled. He got a small crush that day and he decided he would attend the lectures just to notice her. He finally decided to break up with his bed and instead look ahead for a 'real' relationship.
On the first day of the semester, he decided to attend all the lectures. Since he felt his friends would make fun of him, he kept his decision personal. However, he wasn't aware of the fact that attending lectures wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Bohot papad belne padte hain. From day one, the professors had taken a silent wow to make the lectures more lethal than the actual wars. Students armoured with their amazing talent of texting during lectures and at times sleeping without catching any attention, could actually attend them. However, for him the lectures were just a chance to look at the girl for whom he fell.
Although he spent most of the time noticing her, he managed to come across words like alpha dc, beta dc, transconductance, Laplacian Domain , Push pull amplifiers, hybrid parameters,transfer function etc. He never took the lectures very seriously but he never bunked them. Life was being perfectly alright for him. He befriended her, took her number and spend most of the evenings talking to her. She on the other hand, motivated him to complete the assignments on time. While completing assignments, he came across those complex words once again. He somehow gathered an interest for knowing what those things actually meant. So he went through the textbooks and he unexpectedly understood what he was actually reading. Unknowingly he developed an interest for engineering.
He took his mid semester exams and didn't score too badly, scoring 108 out of 150. She scored 112 and he somehow felt competitive for the first time in engineering life. He vowed to actually study and score more than her in the end-semester exams. However in the series of succeeding months, his life changed entirely. She considered his as her closest friend, and went on to tell him the biggest secret that she had hidden from the rest of the class. She had a boyfriend, whom she loved more than anyone else. She told him that he was the second most important person in her life. Each of her word hurt him deeper and deeper. However, he decided not to reveal anything to her, neither his feelings, nor his wounds.
However, she had brought a complete transformation in him. For him, his studies were important now. He found engineering interesting and developed a unique feeling for engineering. It got him high when he was with his textbooks or with his robots, he had again fallen for something. He didn't just finished the final exams with the highest marks but also passed out engineering with the 14th highest score in the university. He went on to join one of the premier management institute in India, IIM-C. As he vowed, he never showed his feelings. She went on to marry her love and he ended up being with his true love, electronics. They lived happily ever after.....
He joined engineering after realizing that he had followed the crowd for the last two years and thus he decided to not use his wit (almost scarce anyways) and follow the crowd. Basic subjects like physics and mathematics were simple in the first two semesters. Given the level of complacency that filled up his brain, he found his hostel room's bed somehow more comfortable than the college seats, more than even that of the canteen. So he decided to bravely bunk lectures in the weekdays and catch the earliest train on Friday to reach 'home'. His luck favoured him in the examination and he thankfully found the topper sitting ahead of him. Copying was an art he had mastered a long time ago in coaching classes while taking tests. The only thing he repented is that he couldn't successfully apply the expertise in AIEEE or IIT-JEE. However, the expertise came handy later in the exam and he somehow managed to 'clear' all the eleven examinations of first year.
However, this time the things were different. In his last exam, he noticed one of his prettiest classmate. He didn't have whiskey the night before and therefore he was alert enough to notice her. He noticed everything, right from the way she tied her hair with pins, her earrings, her bangles, her bindi, her nail art to the way she smiled. He got a small crush that day and he decided he would attend the lectures just to notice her. He finally decided to break up with his bed and instead look ahead for a 'real' relationship.
On the first day of the semester, he decided to attend all the lectures. Since he felt his friends would make fun of him, he kept his decision personal. However, he wasn't aware of the fact that attending lectures wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Bohot papad belne padte hain. From day one, the professors had taken a silent wow to make the lectures more lethal than the actual wars. Students armoured with their amazing talent of texting during lectures and at times sleeping without catching any attention, could actually attend them. However, for him the lectures were just a chance to look at the girl for whom he fell.
Although he spent most of the time noticing her, he managed to come across words like alpha dc, beta dc, transconductance, Laplacian Domain , Push pull amplifiers, hybrid parameters,transfer function etc. He never took the lectures very seriously but he never bunked them. Life was being perfectly alright for him. He befriended her, took her number and spend most of the evenings talking to her. She on the other hand, motivated him to complete the assignments on time. While completing assignments, he came across those complex words once again. He somehow gathered an interest for knowing what those things actually meant. So he went through the textbooks and he unexpectedly understood what he was actually reading. Unknowingly he developed an interest for engineering.
He took his mid semester exams and didn't score too badly, scoring 108 out of 150. She scored 112 and he somehow felt competitive for the first time in engineering life. He vowed to actually study and score more than her in the end-semester exams. However in the series of succeeding months, his life changed entirely. She considered his as her closest friend, and went on to tell him the biggest secret that she had hidden from the rest of the class. She had a boyfriend, whom she loved more than anyone else. She told him that he was the second most important person in her life. Each of her word hurt him deeper and deeper. However, he decided not to reveal anything to her, neither his feelings, nor his wounds.
However, she had brought a complete transformation in him. For him, his studies were important now. He found engineering interesting and developed a unique feeling for engineering. It got him high when he was with his textbooks or with his robots, he had again fallen for something. He didn't just finished the final exams with the highest marks but also passed out engineering with the 14th highest score in the university. He went on to join one of the premier management institute in India, IIM-C. As he vowed, he never showed his feelings. She went on to marry her love and he ended up being with his true love, electronics. They lived happily ever after.....
Sunday 13 January 2013
Back for some more time
Perhaps I must begin with a usual sense of apology and call this section the 'apology note' but leaving a few dedicated friends (who never ended up checking this space out more than twice) no one has ever come across this space so they've remain unaware of the level of non sense that fills up my brain. God, being a real generous being spared them, perhaps. However, stopping this digress-from-the-topic thing, I would like to inform that my third semester exams are over and I don't know how I managed to write each exam and actually sit for the entire two-and-half hours. Perhaps, day dreaming is more or less a handy tool when you want to convince yourself that some portions of the 88-percent-scored-at-board-thing is still left deep inside you (Okay!, I'm bragging). The truth is, I somehow survived the exams and I am alive enough to write another piece of crap.
I've remained away from active blogging for quite a long time after realizing that I need to put special efforts to put my life into order. I remained away from social media and quite unexpectedly away from twitter. Life's an attention demanding bitch at this point of time and I continue to give it more priority than social media. However I pray that somehow I end up being a full time blogger (which seems quite impossible right now). Yes I believe in miracles.
However my love for writing has remained intact. I have failed to write an article each day but somehow I have piled up a large number of stories, mostly incomplete,in my note pad. Life has never been easy in the past one year. Heart breaks, poor scores at academics, accidents, major fights, loss of dear ones, best friends going away to name a few. However as they say, chalti ka naam hain zindagi. Life continues to be beautiful and goes on with a smile....
I've remained away from active blogging for quite a long time after realizing that I need to put special efforts to put my life into order. I remained away from social media and quite unexpectedly away from twitter. Life's an attention demanding bitch at this point of time and I continue to give it more priority than social media. However I pray that somehow I end up being a full time blogger (which seems quite impossible right now). Yes I believe in miracles.
However my love for writing has remained intact. I have failed to write an article each day but somehow I have piled up a large number of stories, mostly incomplete,in my note pad. Life has never been easy in the past one year. Heart breaks, poor scores at academics, accidents, major fights, loss of dear ones, best friends going away to name a few. However as they say, chalti ka naam hain zindagi. Life continues to be beautiful and goes on with a smile....
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